SolitaryRoamer

Emotions

Last week everything went so smoothly. I finished stories ahead of time. I slept well. I even felt good.

This week it’s been the opposite. I had writer’s block — one of the worst cases since I began making a living as writer five years ago. I haven’t slept well, except for last night (which was wonderful) and I’ve had headaches and back pain all week.

To top it all off I’ve been extra emotional. Thursday night I watched “Waltz With Bashir,” an animated documentary about a man who served with the Israeli Army during the Lebanese War and was near a massacre of Palestinian women and children at one point. It was hard to watch much of the film, but because it was animated it was less realistic. Then, toward, the end, you hear the wailing Palestinian women and suddenly the animation fades and you’re watching actual documentary footage from the aftermath of the massacre. And there, lying on the streets are the tiny Palestinian children the Israeli soldiers brutally murdered. It was horrifying. And I lost it. I’ve never felt so emotional while watching a film — maybe because I understood that this was not fiction. This was real and those were real, murdered children.

So I was still a little emotional when I went to work Friday and began writing  a story about Amy and Melissa McDonald, two local sisters who taught at the Shanti Bhavan school in India over the summer. The school only accepts children from the “untouchables” class of people — lower than the lowest caste. It wasn’t my own writing or even the interviews with the sisters that got to me. It was Amy’s blog. She’s a journalism student and has a beautiful way with words. I made the decision to include snippets from her blog in the story. And it was reading those snippets that got me. Hearing her talk of these sweet, innocent children and the love she developed for them made me think of all the kids in these less-than-ideal circumstances across the globe. I thought of the Palestinian children in that documentary. I thought of the little African girls that occasionally come to St. George to dance and raise awareness of their plight. And I thought of the sweet Filipino children I knew on my mission there 10 years ago.

And I cried. Right there in the office, sitting at my computer, trying to write a story. I did well hiding it. The blurry eyes made it difficult to see the screen. And as I fell myself falling into tears, I would take a deep breath and fight it off. I had a deadline to meet. I couldn’t cry all over my keyboard.

Now I don’t cry in many stories. I can only think of a handful over the years that have brought me to tears. I cried when the local National Guard unit left for Iraq and I covered their farewell parade. I also cried when they came home and I saw those soldiers kissing their little children, some of whom they had never met. I cried while writing about a case of child abuse that made me realize I had to get off the news desk or get out of journalism. And I cried when covering the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and the people left without homes. But that’s a handful of stories among the few thousand I’ve written in the past five years.

Then Friday night I went to see “The Time Traveler’s Wife” with a few friends. I loved the book (and cried while reading it) and was skeptical about the film version. I didn’t think it would come close to living up to the book. Of course, it wasn’t as good, but it wasn’t bad either. And there were a few instances that nearly brought me to tears. However, I tried to fight back the tears because I was at the movie with four girls (now that’s the way to see a chick flick). I had to appear tough, right? But when I admitted that the final scene did create one tear (one that I wasn’t able to control and fend off), one of the girls said it was “cute.” So maybe it’s OK to shows those emotions.

And maybe all these emotions I’ve felt in the past few days are the reason why I was able to sit down about an hour ago and finally type out a full synopsis of the novel that has been banging around in my head for about a year. And I like where it’s going. Like every other novel idea of mine, it begins with someone dying. And there’s plenty of heartbreak throughout the plot. But I think the ending may be hopeful. We’ll see. But I’m excited about it.

Maybe the hopefulness came from a great night in the mountains of Pine Valley. One of my friends hosted a party there at her family’s cabin and it was just a wonderfully fun and relaxing evening. It was a good day.

Pointing that sinking boat home

I decided I needed to have a new post at the top of my blog rather than that downer one below. Things are better now and I’m moving on.

Thankfully it’s Oscar Season so that’s been keeping me busy as I watch the nominated films in the theater and at home. My favorite so far is “Man on Wire,” a brilliant documentary about the guy who walked a tightrope between the Twin Towers. It’s up for best documentary this year but it’s probably the best film I’ve seen since “Finding Neverland.”

Also I think “The Dark Knight” and “The Visitor” were both robbed of more nominations. At least they got nods for acting.

I’m also working on another story for USA TODAY. This one is about the LDS Church’s welfare/self-reliance program and how it brings comfort to members of the church during trying economic times. Apparently the editors liked the idea because they sent out a note to all the other correspondents saying they wanted at least one story like mine that offers a different take on the economy every month.

I’ve also decided that maybe I won’t write about my relationships on here anymore. Maybe that jinxed me.

The problem is that now that Barack Obama is president, I don’t have nearly as much steam to blow off as I did before. I once got so angry at the state of our nation and the direction W. was taking it that I had to let it out. And because of my job I couldn’t do it publicly.

Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find something to write about soon enough. For now, a happier me is back.

Godless Killing Machines

Yes, bears. That's what I'm talking about. I watch Stephen Colbert so I know of the dangers facing our great nation. Some may mock him. Some may call him a fearmonger. But when the bears do attack, Stephen and I will be watching and laughing. Because we knew.

Yes, on Wednesday's "Colbert Report," Stephen had a startling edition of The Threatdown. Of the five threats No. 5 was robots, No. 4 was bears, No. 3 was robots, No. 2 was bears and No. 1 was, of course, the terrifying robot bears. Now I know that bears are a threat to our nation because I watch Stephen regularly. He even catches some of the smaller things bears are up to in their evil plan to destroy America. A few weeks ago Stephen reported on trust funds being set up for certain bears. Here's what Stephen had to say about that:

"It's bad enough these godless killing machines are after all our women and honey. Now they have trust funds as well."

Amen, Stephen. You gotta watch out for those bears. I mean, I'm tired of them stealing all my women and honey. But bears aren't the only thing Stephen has seen posing a threat to our nation. He seems to have the Republican presidential candidates figured out as well. None of them think gays should be able to serve openly in the military. And they confirmed that after the host in a recent debate noted that 58 (I think) Arabic translators in the armed forces were discharged because they were gay. Here's what Stephen had to offer on that point:

"The only thing worse for these people than another terrorist attack would be a gay hero stopping it."

It's amazing that the same people who seem to condone actions bordering on torture for the sake of preventing future terrorist attacks will not allow a gay man to serve openly in the military, even if it means he might prevent a future terrorist attack. It just doesn't add up. Of course, these are often the same people who claim to be pro-life but really like war and the death penalty.

Colbert, though, is not the only guy looking out for us. His mentor, Jon Stewart, caught White House "lips moving guy" Tony Snow in an interesting web today. Months ago Snow said concerning the Justice Department firings of many U.S. attorneys that the firings were not political. When the White House press corps brought that up again today, Snow said he never said it. Yet Stewart and everyone else has him on video saying it. So apparently he's taking after Boss Dubya and just lying. Or, as Jon Stewart said:

"That's the beauty of these guys — you can't even make them listen to themselves."

But to end this post of fun little quotes on a happier note, I'll leave you with a quote from a recent movie I saw, "Everything is Illuminated." It's a great movie about a young Jewish man (Elijah Wood) who travels to the Ukraine to do some family history research. His Ukrainian translator is a hilarious guy who love many aspects of American culture such as "premium negros" like Michael Jackson (the film takes place in the late 1980s or early 1990s I believe). His character is so great because he uses English words that most of us would not use on a regular basis. One example had me laughing out loud so hard that I had to pause the movie (think of it in a thick Ukrainian accent):

"Many girls want to be carnal with me because I'm such a premium dancer."

Rockin' in the condo world

I rock.

Yes. I just broke a guitar pick for the first time because I was rocking out in my living room. That’s how I’m spending my Memorial Day — rockin’ the condo. And I have Neil Young to thank for it since it was his masterpiece, “Rockin’ In the Free World,” that I just happened to be rocking out to when my beloved Budweiser guitar pick broke. It’s been my favorite guitar pick for the last year or so ever since my sister, Becca, got it for me on the Budweiser Brewery tour in St. Louis. Unfortunately the pick has passed on, but at least it went out in style.

I was inspired to rock today by Will Ferrell and his brilliant “Stranger Than Fiction.” I just finished watching it with the new neighbor girl upstairs. Of course, my guitar, Sexy, isn’t sea foam green like Will's guitar in the movie, but she’s sexier.

Aside from rocking out and watching “Stranger Than Fiction,” it’s been a fairly uneventful Memorial Day weekend. I’ve cleaned the condo quite a bit, but not nearly enough. And I played a few games with some friends last night. Otherwise it’s been pretty quiet. I’ve been catching up on some reading (Barack Obama’s “Dreams From My Father” and Gregory Maguire’s “Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister”) and frequenting the new bubble tea smoothie place (I tried a mango smoothie Friday then an avocado bubble tea smoothie Saturday — it’s really not as gross as it sounds).

Oh, and I got a new haircut Friday morning. It’s quite a bit shorter than anything I’ve sported for about five years. And it’s fully my natural color for the first time in nearly five years. And, unfortunately, the shorter hair revealed what appears to be a receding hairline. Here I’ve been worrying about how young I might look if I shave my beard but now I’ll have a receding hairline to go with the boyish looks. I just can’t win. But here’s the new ‘do:

Uncle Rico is going to be my grandfather

While reading a USA TODAY story Monday about Napoleon Dynamite," I discovered a weird bit of trivia. Uncle Rico, aka Jon Gries, is going to play my ancestor, John D. Lee, in an upcoming film about the Mountain Meadows Massacre called "September Dawn." It’s just really weird to think that Uncle Rico will be playing my great-great-great-great-great grandpa (I think it’s five greats).

"I want to party all the time, party all the time"

I just got home yesterday from The Greatest Party in the History of the World, also known as the Green Party. It is an annual event each March in Logan, this being the third year, The master party planners were my dear friends Hilary, Cassie and Amy (in order in the first picture below). Last year I said the Green Party was the best party I had ever been to, but this year’s party even beat that one. Not only was it a formal affair (I wore a nice $6 fuzzy green suit coat I found at the DI. You can see me in all my green glory in the middle of the second picture below.), I even won a bright green laundry bag that has the word “DIRTY!!” on it. I even forgave the double use of a dreaded exclamation point because it was so cool. Later in the evening I pulled the prized over my head and I became the Dirty Bag!! Then I attempted to do somersaults without hands. Unfortunately that is very difficult to do, especially backwards. I think I messed up my neck even more than it was before. And my antics in the bag were not enough to gather the necessary support to win the title of Green King. But the results of my Sunday party would leave me with a different title.

Sunday morning I woke up and drove all the way back to Washington City to host my own party, this one centered on the 78th Annual Academy Awards. The show was, in a way, my reward for seeing so many of the Oscar-nominated movies. Unfortunately some of my favorite movies of the year (“Pride and Prejudice,” “The Constant Gardner,” “New York Doll” and “The Chronicles of Narnia”) did not win many awards. But the beautiful Rachel Weisz did get a little golden man for her supporting role in “The Constant Gardner.” And in the upset of the night, the amazing “Crash” beat out “Brokeback Mountain” for best picture. “Crash” was probably one of the most important movies of the year because of the lessons it teaches about race relations. It’s one of those rare movies you think about for hours, sometimes days, after it is over. But it was a bittersweet moment for me because we had an office contest for guessing the most winners and I thought “Brokeback” would take the big award home at the end of the night. Even though I guessed incorrectly on that one and on the best song category (who ever would have thought that a song called “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” would win an Oscar?), I still tied with two others in the office for guessing the most winners. And when it came to the drawing, I was the victor just like last year. So I continue my role as the reigning Oscar King in the office. For more coverage of the Oscars, please visit my entertainment blog: What Do You Hear in These Sounds?.

The nominations are in

I almost forgot. The Oscar nominations are in and “Brokeback Mountain” leads the pack with eight nominations. Sadly, my three picks for Best Picture (“Pride and Prejudice,” “Walk the Line” and “The Constant Gardener”) were not even nominated for the big award, but they did get a few nominations each, including some acting nods. I still have a few more Oscar films to see before I make my predictions. But before March 5 I will tell you the future on my other blog: What Do You Hear in These Sounds?

I will reign once more ...

I watched four movies this weekend, three in the theater and once on DVD. It’s all part of my preparations to retain my title as Oscar King at The Spectrum. Last year I guessed the most winners and won $30 worth of movie tickets and $15 at one of my favorite restaurants, Bajio (which actually had a small fire Saturday). Luckily two of the movies were in the $1.50 theater and I caught a matinee for the other one to save on the cash. If I wasn’t a writer, I think I might have gone into filmmaking. I probably would have made more money that way.

But since I’ve watched so many films lately, I decided to catch up on some reviews on my other blog, What Do You Hear In These Sounds? I also finished up a couple of music reviews for the magazine tonight, so the new release will be posted on the same blog sometime soon.

Brokeback Utah

It seems even one of the reddest counties in the reddest state in the nation can handle a little gay cowboy action. Yes, “Brokeback Mountain” is coming to St. George. As you may have heard, the movie caused some controversy recently when Utah Jazz owner Larry H. Miller pulled the movie from his Sandy, Utah, theater. But I found out it was coming to St. George while attending a PFLAG meeting Tuesday night.

PFLAG is a support organization for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. I covered a speech by the local organizer Monday. She spoke about gay marriage at a meeting for the Democrats of Southern Utah on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day. The speaker, Claudia Bradshaw, connected the fight for gay marriage to the civil rights struggles of Dr. King. And surprisingly my article made it onto the front page of our newspaper.

I’m used to the warm reception I new get from the local Democrats, who are among some of the nicest people in the world. But I wasn’t expecting the warm welcome I would get at the PFLAG meeting Tuesday. I decided to attend because Claudia inspired me. I’m the diversity reporter for The Spectrum and gays in Southern Utah definitely count as diversity. So when the group of parents and eight local gay men at the PFLAG meeting found out it was me that wrote the story, the compliments flooded forth.

I think I’m the new hero of the Southern Utah gay community.

When I said that to a friend at work, he asked if I really wanted that distinction. I thought for a second and answered that I did. I’m not doing anything special; I’m just doing my job. It’s my duty at a journalist to give voice to the voiceless, and there are not many people more voiceless in Southern Utah than gay people.

There are so many stories to be told. And hopefully, if the good people of Southern Utah see their gay neighbors as real people with real stories and real families, maybe the level of acceptance in the community will change. I wasn’t always the most open-minded person about gay people, but that is because I didn’t know any gay people. Now that I have gay friends, my outlook is quite a bit different.

Since this change I’ve had a hard time understanding how Christians who hate gays can call themselves Christians. Whether they consider homosexuality a sin or not, they are sinning themselves if they hate God’s children because of something they believe is a sin. Do those same people hate heterosexual couples who have premarital relations? I know that God still loves every one of His children no matter what.

I did, however, stand in awe of one gay man at the PFLAG meeting. While teaching at the LDS Missionary Training Center in Provo, he dated dozens of girls before pursuing life as a gay man. I asked him how he was able to get all those girls, given my recent dry spell. I never thought I would find myself asking a gay man for girl advice.

"This is the sound of settling"

I finally added to my music (and now film) review blog, What Do You Hear in These Sounds?. My most recent is a list of film picks and pans — ones I've mostly seen within the last month or so. As for music, I added a Fiona Apple review I wrote for St. George Magazine since I'm now the regular music critic for that publication. Enjoy. Or not.